Third Wheel
by ScourgeOfHell
Summary: Or tales of how Cilan gets screwed over by hormonal teenagers.
1. Third Wheel

Cilan figured he was pretty good at being a third wheel. Back in Striaton city, Chilli and Cress had always been more of a duo act, what with their uncannily conflicting personalities, and in there many arguments, he'd always feel like some kind of referee rather than the participant he longed to be.

When he started travelling, Cilan though he'd finally found a group he belonged in. He'd convinced himself that Ash and Iris could barely survive without him, and he graciously cooked meals for them, if only as repayment for finally getting that feeling of belonging, and for a while all was well. That was until he had to finally start acknowldeging the sexual tension that existed between his two companions. The changes were subtle at first, little things such as conversations between the two where he felt out of place, or one of their hyper-competitive, tree climbing or vine swinging contests lingering a bit longer than was necessary, to the point where he actually started wondering wether the two had abandoned him, if they took too long. Still Cilan was pretty good at masking his emotions, and even as their tricycle was rapidly becoming two-wheeled, he cheerfully braced the storm, convincing himself that the two were too different to actually be attracted to each other. Gradually though, his companions drifted too close together for him to pretend to remain oblivious anymore. Their tree-climbing competitions became more about sitting atop a tree brach and talking about their respective regions, and Cilan often cuaght a gllimpse of them holding hands, when they thought he wasnt looking, and once found them in an extremely akward and inexperienced make-out session. Still, Cilan was not a selfish person, and decided it would be best for his two companions if they were a bit more open to each other. Ignoring his own feelings, Cilan egged the two on, often setting up romantic dinners exclusively for the two of them, or conveniently abandoning them near lakesides, with flocks of Cotonee couples, drifting in the wind. His plan was largely succesful, though Iris and Ash would vehemently deny his accusations, and would verbally boycott him for days if he so much as implied a relationship that went beyond friendship. At this point, however, their own opinions hardly mattered because of all the couple-ish things they did. Even Trip accused Ash of wasting too much time with his girlfriend and too little training, after he creamed the Kanto-native in yet another battle. As for Cilan, he watched all this with a cheerful facade, keeping his mind void of anything that resembled jealousy or loneliness.

It wasnt until Cilan woke up one night, to find his companions asleep in the same sleeping bag, that was already too small for one person, that the familiar sting of loneliness really flooded his mind. He immediately yelled them awake, and gave them an hour long lecture about controlling basal urges, and how they had wrecked their magnificently sweet flavour with this bitter lewdness. Later, as Iris scrambled back to her own sleeping bag, Cilan tried to convince himself that the immense satisfaction he felt was brotherly concern loosening on his conscience. The next morning when he woke up to find Iris and Ash in the same position as last night, perhaps even wrapped tighter around each other, Cilan could only sigh in frustration, and set out to make dinner, all the while rethinking his own emotions.

A few minutes later, when two hands wrapped obstinately around wither of his, Cilan decided he had absolutely no problems with being third wheel. Besides,that way he'd get his own sleeping bag.


	2. Idealist

**I have no clue why I chose to continue this, probably something to do with the shit-ton of views it got. Anywho, I *heart Negaishipping and If you have a problem go back to yo' obsolete Pokeshipping or whatever. This one doesnt really have much of an idea behind it, just a little experiment**

Cilan sighed heavily for what seemed like the tenth time that day, and found himself wondering, as he so often did in situations like these, when exactly his job had turned from travelling connoisseur to nanny/overseer-of-teenage-couple-with-hormones-bursting-from-their-ears. A few minutes ago he'd caught Ash and Iris in a bush, far from camp, cuddling in a highly pg-rated manner.

Cilan figured this was the result of another of their arguments-turned-make-out-sessions, and once more wondered why he even bothered to oversee them like this, instead of leaving them to their machinations. Yet Cilan was not at all a selfish person, and he genuinely did want to ensure that his companions didnt do something they would regret later. That, and he was afraid of being ripped to shreds by a horde of Druddigon, sent by the denizens of the dragon village ,for letting their prodigy get impregnated under his watch. At the moment he was walking back to camp with both Ash and Iris's hands firmly held in his, and, more importantly, off each other. Ignoring their obstinate whimpers, pleading their innocence, and trying to convince him that what he'd caught them in the midst of was actually an advanced wrestling-type competition. How incredibly stereotypic of them to, even now, deny their blatantly extra-platonic relationship. In retrospect, Cilan had to admit this was pretty much his own fault. How he cursed the existence of that overly-idealistic alter-ego of his, that had somehow convinced him that bringing a new love into the world was an act of uncorrupted nobility, and had subsequently made him push his two teenagers together. _Oh how hopelessly naiive of him._ Cilan resolutely vowed to never make them any more romantic, twilight meals, lest he end up further solidifying their relationship.

15 minutes later, when the group was back at their camp, and Cilan was sure Iris and Ash's couple-ish activities wouldn't exceed talking and holding hands, when they thought he wasn't looking of course, he set about making lunch. It was here that he had another of his customary mood swings. He couldn't really help it though, seeing the teenage couple talking happily, giggling at odd intervals, fingers wrapped around each other, under the table obviously, made Romeo, his over-romantic alter-ego surface again, and tantalize him with images of 30-year old Iris and Ash, and himself sitting on a dinner table with 4, crazy-haired children running around his legs, calling him "uncle Cilan" in high-pitched chirps. With this the last of Cilan's resolve abruptly faded, and he immediately set about making an overly-sweet Mago berry cake, decorated with icing hearts, in the most disgustingly romantic manner he could think of. This he flamboyantly deposited in front of Iris and Ash, before walking off into the forest, under the pretext of getting some cooking ingredients.

When Romeo's influence had died down a bit, Cilan returned to the camp. He shouldn't really have been surprised when he returned to find the couple lying on the table, ardently kissing, the cake having long been forgotten.


	3. Dragon Problems

**Written in a hurry; as usual, so please ignore the suckiness. My most passively negaishippy oneshot(not that there are a lot). **

Ash relationship with Iris was, he felt, (relatively) straightforward. He felt something akin to love for her, and was content with spending the rest of his life with her. His relationship with Iris's Axew on the other hand was a complete mess.

The first time he'd seen Axew, he'd assumed him to be for Iris, what Pikachu was for him; a trusted first partner, not content with life in a pokeball, wanting to experience everything, side-by-side with his trainer. Ofcourse what he hadn't assumed was that Axew would impulsively dragon rage him, the first time he tried to kiss it's trainer.

From that point onward, Axew's over-protectiveness manifested pretty much every second of their relationship. Since Iris obstinately refused to return Axew to it's Pokeball (which Ash assumed she'd lost by now), the little dragon had it's work cut short. Whenever he tried to hold Iris's hand, Ash would feel Axew normally innocent stare, piercing into him. Since Iris's hair was Axew's permanent adobe, getting intimate with her was often cut short by a sudden scratch attack to the nose, more often than not leaving him nursing a sore nose for days, and Iris a mass of giggles. Still, for all it's setbacks, Axew was still a saint. Comparative to it's evolution, that is.

When Axew evolved, it finally became too large to fit in Iris's hair, allowing Ash to get personal, a bit more freely with Iris. Of course as a bonus from it's evolution, Fraxure learned a plethora of new attacks with which to torture Ash, to the point that the trainer actually began to miss the relatively innocuous scratches. Fraxure still listened to Iris though, and if it ever caught Ash in Iris's tent at night, it'd usually stop flamethrower-ing him when she told it to (which, suspiciously, often took a while). Essentially this meant that Fraxure ended up doing Cilan's job: regulating the amount of time Ash spent with his hands on Iris. Paradoxically, when Fraxure, in turn evolved, Ash actually felt the pressure easen. Since it was finally too large to trail Iris around, she was forced to keep the dragon in it's Pokeball (disabusing Ash's theory). While this did mean that Ash was free to act as he pleased most of the time, he learned very soon that Haxorus had a pretty effective glare attack, and being paralyzed for an hour cut severely into his schedule. It wasn't that he didn't look for help. When he finally worked up the courage to tell Iris about his predicament, he got the response he'd expected: eternal heckling. Obviously Iris still somehow saw the little Axew in her monstrous beast, so the idea that it'd mean any ill will to Ash was ludicrous. Asking Cilan about how to handle his "dragon problem" was out of the question, because Cilan was obviously very happy with the state of things. Ash even briefly considered asking Drayden for help, except that Iris's sensei was the only living thing that scared him even more than Haxorus.

Finally Ash did the unthinkable, and one day, when all their pokemon were out having their lunch, he boldly walked up to Haxorus. In front of a confused Iris, and an indifferent Cilan, Ash began explaining to the dragon how he felt about its trainer, and how it was difficult expressing his emotions while being dragon claw-ed in the face. While Ash definitely did expect the "Awww" s and the hug from Iris, what he didn't expect was the exact same thing from Haxorus. Giving a great roar of approval, the dragon-type threw it's stubby arms and it's tail around Ash, and presented him with the redefinition of a bear hug.

Suffice to say, in the coming days, Ash began to miss the dragon claws, because Haxorus's expression of fondness, made his own Charizard look timid.

**P.S Axew/Fraxure/Haxorus is an "it" because this story was much easier to write that way :P. P.S.S I don't know if Haxorus can learn glare, it just fit the story.**


End file.
